so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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