I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
