I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
