You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
