We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
