No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
