She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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