we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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