we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
