They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
