Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
