someone threw a dead crab at me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
two words: eviction party
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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