i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
COCAINE IS GR8
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
