Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
