I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the condom got lost in my hair
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
