Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
