when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
