I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
