my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
