i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
