I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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