I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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