im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
