I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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