Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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