It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drake has all the answers
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
