did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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