I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
