don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
