I am puke
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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