This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
