We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The uberlube is also flammable
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
