OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
