Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
