doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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