I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
