If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
