Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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