I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
