I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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