Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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