Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
