we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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