Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
