dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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