rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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