just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
