I just saw a hot homeless man
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
