so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
