If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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