"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
