i just wanna soil my oats bro
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
