I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
