its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
