you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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