with your own penis?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
