The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
