I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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