i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
