White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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