Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
