either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
