Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
