I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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