Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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