Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
