Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
