remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
