woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
