spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
