Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize