just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
