I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
