Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
