You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
tell me about the eggs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
