I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
