i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
