i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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