def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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