shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize